Back in 2004 a very rowdy shepherd mix puppy made her way into our lives and on Saturday she quietly left us again.
You never know quite what you are going to get when you bring home a pound puppy, but we won the SPCA lotto with Ginger. She might have been a lovable bundle of puppy stupid, but Ginger quickly convinced us that she wasn’t just a dog– she was people.
She was a Dog Who Knew Things, you see. She knew when it was Time For Bed and when it was Time For Dinner and that you always (always!) had to bring your stuffed animal to the back door when you wanted to go out. She knew that she could lick near your face, but not on it; that back doors were open season, but she couldn’t go out the front door without a leash; and she knew when we left for work and when we got home… but most of all she knew she was a People.
My brain is an interesting place to live sometimes. For the most part the two of us have worked out an uneasy truce somewhat akin to a very tired parent and a cranky two year-old.
For various reasons this week was one of the bad ones. So I let it dictate what color socks it was going to wear, what kind of ice cream to have for dinner, what order M&M colors needed to be eaten in, and tried to find it all amusing.
In return I get to function as a mostly normal adult until the good days roll back around (as they always do)– it’s not a bad brain, it’s just needs things to be Just So sometimes.
And it’s worth it, dealing with every weird quirk and strange sideway hop, because from that grows everything else I am.
On sunny, windy days I walk out for lunch, squint into the sky, unfurl imaginary wings and soar.
I can sing songs that didn’t exist until I picked the first note and lyrics that tumble into place in rhythm with my footbeats to be forgotten five minutes after I start walking.
Universes rise and fall on those walks. Dreams shiver into being, are torn apart and are rebuilt, a thousand variations of what could be, might be, reworked into stories that are filed away for future use.
I can be normal, but sometimes I just have to not be.
It has been a crazy couple of months since my last update on this list. We’ve moved houses, done emergency dog fostering, rolled up our sleeves and started prepping the old house to be a rental, and waded into the mess of unpacking before getting new roommates– whew!
So now that things have settled down a smidge, it’s time for me to start looking back over the list and see just how far I have left to go… (hint: walking to Mordor seems more plausible a goal at this point)
Which, I’d like to point out, I actually got done on the 1st– even if it is well past my self-assigned bedtime. So, erm, victory? (Someday I will master this whole ‘Being An Adult‘ thing, but not quite yet.)
I had problems focusing on accomplishing things last year, but the one thing I did end up stumbling into was the idea of trying new things instead of just improving old skills. The Silicone caulk molds and plaster and resin casting weren’t anything I’d ever done before, but they turned out to be a lot of fun! If a tad unorganized…
So this year I’m going to do things right and not lose sight of what I’m trying to accomplish. I’m scheduling posts for the first Saturday of each month for the rest of the year as check-ins. No way I’m losing track of this set of 12!
It’s been a long chaotic year, filled with twists and turns and a lot of ‘getting stuck in ruts’ that leave me feeling less accomplished than I normally do in these reviews.
Looking back, I never set any solid goals for this year, which may have been the problem. I’m itching to start off the new year with something a bit more coherent, so expect that post in the days to come…
But as always, I’m stubbornly determined to only focus on the good things from last year, so onwards!
Margaret’s post I Feel Like a Fake. Anyone Else? caught me at just the right moment this morning. I’d been wading through my old short stories trying to find bones to wrap NaNoWriMo wordcounts around, all while pushing aside art projects so I could see my desk.
She asked the question: What will it take for you to believe you’re an artist?
I thought about it, in terms of Artist and Writer and I’m honestly not sure where that bar is at for me. When people ask me I will always respond with “I’m an Artist/Writer, but…”
So I’m going to do an experiment!
Starting today I’m going to make a list of all the Buts and then I’m going to chase each of them down MythBuster‘s style and see if they are actually true.
I’ll do a post at least once a month on which Buts I’ve Busted and what the results were. (Some will obviously take less time to test than others.)